This morning, I had an insight that I decided to share here.
I’ve been experimenting with Qi Gong, thanks to a friend at work. Qi Gong is an exercise I enjoy. The moves are simple. It feels good. And it’s helping me feel more grounded.
Perhaps because Qi Gong is new to me, it feels more mentally engaging that yoga, where I tend to worry more whether or not I’m doing it right…and if I’m going to get corrected.
Qi Gong helps me feel like I am in my body. My feet on the ground. My hands scooping up energy. My arms punching out and pulling in.
Qi Gong for me is a form of self expression. Me, expressing myself, through the movements of my body.
Feeling the movements and not trying to escape from them.
I think that exercise became something physically painful to me in junior high school. From then on, even when I really wanted to enjoy it, exercise was not about self expression. Exercise was other things: punishment, pain, inadequacy, something to escape from, a competition, something to get over, something to avoid, a way to take up less space in the world.
It’s hard to express yourself through exercise when your mind is focused on just one thing: WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OVER?!
For me, I can’t be in my body when I’m trying to escape from it. So, running never worked for me because I could never be in my body when the exercise was so physically and emotionally painful for me. I would mentally disconnect or just not do it. On the other hand, I have a student who loves to run. It clears her mind, and it makes her feel invigorated and ready to take on the day.
Thinking back, there are some forms of movement that I enjoyed as a child or that I enjoy now. When I was young, I loved gymnastics and playing on the bars at recess and at home. I also loved the freedom of riding my bike and enjoyed the roller skating rink. When I was eighteen, I loved going to local dance clubs.
As an adult now, I enjoy walking. I can walk with friends or by myself. Walking has choices. Walking feels good. I can observe life as I walk. I can walk slow or fast. Walking is not a competition, and there’s not a trainer or teacher who wants to correct my walking moves. Walking is just another way to BE.
Interested in Qi Gong? I like this video, and there are many more choices on YouTube.
Journal, if you choose: does thinking about exercise as a way of expressing yourself change your relationship with it? Is there a form of movement that you really enjoy, and if so, what is it? Why do you think you enjoy it?